by Mary Dobrian, AIWC Cologne
Have you ever witnessed someone being harassed? Most of us have. Maybe it was someone making a “joke” about another person’s race, ethnicity or gender identity, or a classmate being bullied on the playground – or maybe it was something more severe.
Often when we notice harassment we have an impulse to step in and try to stop it – but we’re not quite sure of what to do, or maybe we are afraid of making the situation worse. Maybe it was just a remark or a look – not so bad, we think. Yet tolerating even microaggressions sends a signal to the perpetrator (and to other witnesses) that such behavior is acceptable, and can allow larger harassment to proliferate.
So what can you do? FAWCO 1st VP Ann Marie Morrow and I recently attended an hour-long Bystander Intervention Training session hosted by Advancing Justice | Chicago in cooperation with Hollaback. Ann Marie has already written a very good article about her experience that I encourage you to read. I’ll expand just a little more here.
Our training was entitled “Bystander Intervention to Stop anti-Asian/American and Xenophobic Harassment,” but the techniques and information we learned are all easily transferable to any situation where someone is being harassed, whether because of their race, sex, gender identity, disability or anything else.
Our trainer focused on what Hollaback calls the “5 Ds”: distract, delegate, document, delay (or debrief) and direct. This list provides you with a number of options to choose from, depending on your specific situation and comfort level. The number one guideline to always remember is to protect your own safety: never choose an intervention that could put you into personal danger.
Here are some ways you might react if you witness someone being harassed:
Distract: Walk up to the person being targeted and start a conversation. You might ask them for directions or even pretend they are an old friend you haven’t seen in a long time. This might throw the harasser off track and cause them to stop – plus it points out the humanity of the person being targeted. Alternatively, you could cause a distraction by dropping or spilling something.
Delegate: Get help from someone else around you or an authority figure. In a school situation this might be a teacher or counselor; on public transport it could be a driver or conductor. Bear in mind that alerting the police might not de-escalate the situation, and in fact, the presence of law enforcement can often escalate violence. Always ask the person being harassed if they want police to be called – and respect their answer.
Document: Record the harassment on your phone or take notes if you can, including the time, date and location of the incident. Offer to share your record with the person who was targeted and let them decide how they want it to be used.
Debrief (also called Delay) – in my opinion, this step is essential: Check in with the person who was targeted and ask them if they are ok and how you can help. Offer physical assistance or first aid if necessary. Maybe you can walk with them to their destination, make a call for them or just sit with them and listen. Always keep the harassed person at the center; this is not about you being a hero or getting a reward.
Direct (as in direct intervention): Only choose this option if you feel safe doing so. Address the harasser directly. Name the harassment; let them know it is not ok and tell them to stop. If you are in a public place, be as loud and assertive as you can; let others know what is going on. Harassment aims to dehumanize the person being targeted, so use your intervention to validate their humanity.
Intervention is not always easy: you often have to step out of your comfort zone to do it. So it’s a great idea to practice or talk through potential situations with a trusted friend. Maybe ask your friend how they would want someone to intervene if they were being harassed.
Hollaback trainer Gabriela Mejia offers an important guideline in summary: “Always remember that your goal is to de-escalate harm, not to be the hero of the story. It should never be about you, but instead about how you can support the person being targeted.”
In the end, it’s about being human and being kind.
Resources:
NPR’s Life Kit podcast recently published an episode and article on bystander intervention, including input from Hollaback trainers. Read and listen here.
Learn more about Hollaback’s resources: https://www.ihollaback.org/resources/
Sign up for one of these free training sessions:
https://www.advancingjustice-chicago.org/what-we-do/bystander-intervention-trainings/
https://www.ihollaback.org/event/bystander-intervention-2-0-conflict-de-escalation-training-workshop-4/
https://www.ihollaback.org/bystanderintervention/#bystander-conflict