In order to embrace the midlife phase of our life, we must let go of old, limiting thoughts about age that have been impressed upon us from the time we were children, passed down through generations. As Marianne Williamson states in her book The Age of Miracles: Embracing the New Midlife, "...you're poised at last on the brink of your greatest fulfillment: a life of mastery and understanding that provides not only you, but all the world, with the possibility of miraculous breakthroughs." Each of us has the gift of knowing deep in our hearts how to finally, truly live our life as it was meant to be lived.
As we grow older, if we allow ourselves, we can "experience a new sense of personal freedom and relief at letting go of others' expectations and society's conventional definition of female beauty. Many of us fear growing older. We assume that advanced age is a time of degeneration, when physical and mental qualities are in sharp decline. We fail to recognize the energy, vitality, wisdom, and deep beauty possible in these later years," according to Joyce Tenneson in Wise Women: a Celebration of Their Insights, Courage, and Beauty
Personally, I am experiencing a new-found sense of adventure. What has the future in store for me? But as I voice the question, I realize that the future doesn't concern me. I am living in the "now." I do not want to be distracted by what may or may not happen, even as early as tomorrow. If I do, I may miss something right before my eyes that is important, or interesting, or beautiful, or whatever, that escapes my attention. I am clearer about what I want to spend my time doing, or not doing, as the case may be. I find myself becoming resentful of people whom I perceive to be wasting time on what I consider petty, incidental matters, who are not able to grasp the larger picture. My choices are truer to myself, rather than doing what I perceive others to want or expect from me. After all, my years are relatively limited, as they can only be as I approach my 70th year. My mind is open to new thoughts, experiences, and I am learning so much more as my mind embraces what catches my attention. Somehow it is so much easier now to focus as the static of old distractions have been silenced by my choosing to let them go. (Notice I said "choosing" here.) It is clearer to me what is important and what is not. To quote George Bernard Shaw: "I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no brief candle to me. It's a sort of splendid torch which I've got to hold up for the moment and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations."
And it is also George Bernard Shaw who expressed what has become my personal philosophy, and I do wish I had said it first:
This is the true joy in life-that being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one. That being a force of nature, instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die (my italics). For the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake....
The fastest-growing segment of US population is over sixty-five. By as early as 2010, one in four people in the US will surpass that age. The negative stereotype of our so-called "senior citizens" as being fit only to be "turned out to pasture" will by necessity change to reflect the new truth that we are fitter, both mentally and physically, than ever before. Consequently, we are able to continue working at challenging jobs, or to learn new ones, at a more advanced age than even the generation just before us. Respect for and understanding of older citizens will be found again and, as in ancient times and in today's more traditional societies, elders will be sought out for their special abilities and wisdom.
Am I being too optimistic? I don't think so. As I look around me in the town where I live, or at FAWCO conferences and meetings, I see women (and now some men, too) who have, or are in the process of, taking off their masks. I do not mean they were hiding their true selves until now, or trying to appear differently from how they were, but they are no longer afraid of reflecting a clear, undistorted vision of themselves. They no longer want to be mirror images of the opinions, perceptions, values, etc., of those around them, as Steven R. Covey writes in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
Within FAWCO, often I have sought the opinion or advice of women older and more experienced in the organization than I. We have the Counselors, made up of women who have served as FAWCO president, or president of The FAWCO Foundation. Some are far too young to be called seniors, but they are more experienced than many others, having devoted at least a part of their lives to FAWCO and, before that, to their local clubs in leadership capacities. Tried and tested, they have much wisdom to offer.
What have I learned over these past many years? I can sum it up in one word: gratitude. Rather than bemoaning the changes in my body, its aches and pains, I have learned to give thanks every morning that it still works as well as it does! My hair is whitening, but at least I have it. I no longer move as quickly as I used to, but my mind does still. And, rather than looking back at what now seem small details of my life and indulging feelings of regret and guilt, I am able to look back upon my personal history as a whole and give thanks for the gifts and graces I have received, my family and so many friends. I can now see with clarity that we are a part of a much greater whole, each individual as unique as the proverbial snowflake but all connected by and to a force, call it what you like, that bonds each of us to one another and to all of creation.
These are some of my thoughts about growing older. Share yours by contacting me through the Transitions: Growing Older webpage.
Lee Iacovoni Sorenson
